My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
