That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
