all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
