First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
