I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
