I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
