She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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