I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
