yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
