I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
