So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
