I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
