I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
