Your tits are I can't wait for
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
