Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
