he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
