well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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