I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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