And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
