Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
