We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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