im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
