I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
