I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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