We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
