You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
