The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
