I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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