So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
