so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
