you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
