on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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