We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
