You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
is that a dick in a sweater?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
