that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
