So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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