I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Can I color on your dick again?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize