Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i came on her dog
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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