i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
