i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
