fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
