im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i may or may not be watching the land before time
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
