and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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