brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
we're so committed to being not committed
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
