if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
