What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
