I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
