So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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