Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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