One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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