pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
