Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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